Mind work

“You’ve got to try this, I just got my energy rebalanced and I feel amazing, you’ve got to go get some energy work done!”  This is how I was sold on reiki.  Naturally I read anything I could possibly find on the internet.  I was skeptical but willing to be convinced.  I wasn’t prepared…
Terry is my reiki master. When I booked with her, I booked with the intention of regaining my motivation for training.  Somehow I completely forgot about that during the days of research.
I walked in this evening, less stressed than normal from my workday.  When I arrived she was on a call with her ex boyfriend.  I chuckled “funny, I’m having dinner with mine tomorrow” which led us right into emotions.  We talked for a bit, and I tried to push everything aside.  Just cram it down.  Figures, Terry had just told me disease comes about as a result of pushing things down and burying them.  Reiki is about letting it out, she told me.  Deep breath.  I’m so not ready to let everything out.
I took my spot on the table and focused on clearing my mind.  The only time I find I’m usually able to do this is when swimming.  I don’t know what it is, maybe the lack of sound and visual stimulation, but I just don’t think about anything when I swim.  I decided to relax, submit, and let my subconscious entertain me.
As I feel Terry’s hands on my head, I feel safe, comfortable, protected.  I relax into my dream land.
I’m in a meadow, and I’m part of a caravan.  We’re moving slowly, but happily.  I’m not too aware of the rest of the caravan, I’m focused on a little girl, probably about 4 years old, who is identical to me as a child, she is my daughter.  With her is her father, a strong, smiling masculine figure who absolutely adores her.  There’s so much joy – the destination is highly anticipated.  At one point surreal creatures, similar to what you’d see in a Cirque show begin dancing around us. I’m dancing too, and my body is weightless, it’s effortless.  I stay in this area for a long time.  No talking, just joy, laughter, dancing, happiness.
Then my brain shifts more to an abstract vision.  It’s yellows and purples, pretty forms, and flowing lava.  But I want to go back to the girl.  The yellows remind me of her hair.
I’m on a beach now, but my daughter and husband won’t come close.  They’re still moving through the meadow.  I try to get them to come over to the beach, but I can’t get them, they don’t see me, won’t come over.  I’m swimming, trying to clear my thoughts.  I’m overwhelmed with sadness because they won’t come to me.  Finally I regain a bit of consciousness and force the ending I want, but it doesn’t feel right, it feels cold.
I spent the last 10 minutes of my session trying hard not to cry. I knew Terry would ask me at the end how I felt, and what kinds of things I envisioned.  I just prepared myself to not choke up and lose it… Forcing things down again.
When the session ended, Terry asked the anticipated questions.  I told her about all the joy at the beginning.  She responded “Really?  I felt sadness. Hmmm, guess I was off.”  I told her about the sadness at the end, but not in as much detail as I’ve described here.  We talked for quite a bit longer, and I left, my body feeling good, but my mind spinning.
I wasn’t expecting this much emotion.  I expected to feel balanced, or perhaps a bit of hope.  We talked about the need to let people see inside of you, a thought that terrifies me to no end. Vulnerability is not something I’m comfortable with, I’m pretty much the definition of guarded.
I loved the session.  I highly recommend it to anyone.  I think it’s a good window into your own soul.  Where will your mind go when you give yourself permission to think of nothing?

About vegastrigirl

I'm a tri baby who's just started to participate in this crazy circus of triathlons.
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